She knew.
She knew.
She knew when she got on the plane, that she was doing the wrong thing.
She knew when she got ready for the day, that this wasn’t meant to be.
She knew when she got to the church, this event shouldn’t be happening.
She thought of telling her mother and felt sick to her stomach. She thought of people she knew who would be disappointed in her. Things had been set in motion that she didn’t think she could stop. She realized she hadn’t thought about what he would think and that made her sad.
Today was her wedding day. She would make it work. Deep breath, shoulders back, smile on her face, she walked down the aisle. The days passed by. Some were better than others. She had a job she was good at and loved. It gave her something to look forward to everyday. She wished sometimes that she had been brave enough to have stopped this, had listened to that inner voice. Sometimes he drank too much and it wasn’t fun. She accepted that she had made a choice.
A dream was answered the day she found out she was carrying a baby. This then must be why she was where she was. She couldn’t wait to be a mom. She tried to stay out of his way when he was drinking. Now with a baby coming she just knew all that would change!
Fast forward. He came after her while she was holding the baby. She was able to make a phone call before he pulled the cord out of the wall. She and her three month old baby managed to leave the house and she never looked back. Her sister was the phone call and found her a few blocks from the house.
Safety seemed hard to achieve. She and the baby were moved every few days. A friend of a friend’s family took her in. An empty apartment, managed by someone she knew, was her home for a few nights. Food, diapers, water dropped off after ensuring no one had followed. It felt like a bad dream but at least her child was safe. She hoped. She prayed. She knew. She knew she would do whatever she needed to do to protect her child. She knew that inner voice had tried to warn her. She knew she wouldn’t ignore it again.
This is not my story but the story of someone I know well. I know it sounds like a movie you have seen. It really happens to real people. The inner voice is called intuition. We usually know when we should have listened to that voice. As women, we seem to be so worried about letting others down that we sometimes let ourselves down. This is what I believe. YOU are the most important person in your life. When you don’t know what to do, listen to that inner voice. Its sometimes easier to ignore that “gut” feeling. Don’t. Learn to recognize your intuition. Practice being quiet and just listening.
You’ll know.